Being married is hard. It is a lot harder than the fairy tales I read as child led me to believe. Having parents and grandparents who loved each other madly was beautiful. I also feel like I only saw the good and used that as a base for my expectations of my own marriage. I am sure that my parents struggled. I am sure that my grandparents struggled. But I chose not to focus on those aspects when building my expectations for my future.
Having expectations is one sure way to build up resentment. When you have no expectations, it’s harder to feel let down. If I could go back and enter in with no expectations, I would. But I can’t live in the past. I am here in the present. I can strive to let go of those expectations and live in and find joy in my reality.
“Each of us is caught up in an idea of happiness. If we can release our idea of true happiness, true happiness is born in us right away” –Thich Nhat Hanh
Why is it that we can speak to our daughter with kindness and love and patience but we can’t do the same with each other?
With my husband,
There are days when I really feel like I could’ve been a better version of myself.
There are days when I fail at being kind, loving, patient, and less easily offended.
There are days when I feel like I have bitten off more than I can chew.
There are days when I feel like I can’t do anything right.
There are days when I just want to sit in the corner and cry. Cry until I am as dry as the desert.
There are days when I really don’t know where to go.
There I days when I wish I could go back to sleep and wake up and start over again.
There are days when I am jealous and in turn act out in anger.
There are days when I lash out with sarcasm and name calling.
There are days when words come out of my mouth that I can never take back.
There are days when I wish I could be more like the role models I grew up believing I would eventually become.
There are days.
There are days.
I am imperfect. I am human. I make mistakes. I hurt feelings. I feel hurt.
Thich Nhat Hanh has some amazing words of comfort and inspiration. I share them here to remind myself.
“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”
“When you say something really unkind, when you do something in retaliation your anger increases. You make the other person suffer, and he will try hard to say or to do something back to get relief from his suffering. That is how conflict escalates.”
“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”
“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”
“Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings. By living with you, I want to learn to love everyone and all species. If I succeed in loving you, I will be able to love everyone and all species on Earth… This is the real message of love.”